Meet The Animals of Unfiltered Homestead
These are the animals that make up Unfiltered Homestead. Some are helpful, some are dramatic, and at least one believes he is in charge.
Mattis - Born to a teenage mom and an unknown father, Mattis has grown into our fearless leader, exceptional livestock guardian, and resident mediator who oversees everything at Holloffolter Farm. He is brave but also deeply codependent, steals eggs without regret, and is easily startled by his own farts. His namesake, General James Mattis, USMC, would likely be disappointed to learn that this Mattis unapologetically embodies the Marine Corps phrase "disgusting fat body".
Dolly - Professional couch potato and emotional support bulldog. Moonlights as a water dog and Olympic-level trampoline artist. Her intestinal tract should have a hazmat warning. Her hobbies include snoring and judging everyone silently.
Bitz - The reason we can't have nice things. Fearless protector, codependent, and willing to annoy you into a blind rage if it means she gets attention. Hobbies include eating anything wood, including your porch furniture and yelling at Mattis for not moving fast enough.
Mila - The light is on, but nobody is home. Motivated by food and the occasional desire to cause death and destruction that she is physically incapable of inducing. Prefers the company of babies and small children to adults. Hobbies include sunbathing, pretending to play dead until someone makes sure she's still breathing and sleeping like she actually does something around here.
Dodge Ram
Stanley
Miguel
Sunflower Lightning
Hans Solo
Shelf Dragon Ayam Cemani
Hootie A/K/A "HOOTIE WHOOOOO!"
Miss Loretta
In Memoriam
Gabrielle
WILL EDIT THIS SECTION LATER
Max
WILL EDIT THIS SECTION LATER